Till my final breath

 

The silence

It threatens my peace of mind

But I am still here

I still believe

I am still faithful

And I will always be

So long as there is breath in me

CRL 22,11,2014

Longing

Have you ever wanted something so desperately, but known it would probably never happen? Of course you have! And if you haven't, you are probably lying to yourself.

I have too. In fact, it's something that I have longed for nearly my entire life. Something that at times has driven me to distraction, sometimes I have even cried myself to sleep at night, or walked my days in a fog. What is it? That's wasn't whats important right now. What's important is that I understand those who I have talked to recently who, each one, has their own longing that they have no control over the out come. It hurts, its confusing, sometimes they wonder if they are right or wrong in wanting or needing the thing that they long for. Maybe at times they feel like they are going to go insane, or perhaps wonder if they ARE insane.

Passion will do that. Desire will do that. Longing will do that. Sometimes it will destroy you if you are not able to surrender the longing to ONE who is able to bear it. I surely can't, and I am sure that there are times you are not able to as well. This has been my focus the past month. To learn how to take this looming mountain that is standing between me and that for which I have waited, and hand it over, if only in my mind, to the ONE who can move mountains. Perhaps the mountain will never be moved. Perhaps when its moved I will discover that nothing waits for me on the other side, or that that for which I waited wasn't really worth waiting for. But whatever the case may be, I know that HE has the ultimate control and I will continue to trust HIS steady movements.

To hug

To HUG or not to HUG that is the question
For in a hug heaven can pass away,
And hell becomes non existent.
A hug of love can raise death to life,
and the pause that a hug brings
eases the stress and the pain of not one but two;

in its place they find a stillness and a peace
That only they share.
So it is in a hug that the world is saved.
It is in a hug that I greet you this day. 
It is in this hug that you will find peace of mind, healing 
and strength to greet your brand new day! 

CRL 29 October 2014

Poems of the slightly saddened heart

September winds have come and gone.

October snows have fallen.

You, my friend, are sorely missed.

Norwegian Fjells, are callin' "

CRL 16, Oct. 2014

  

A silent shadow lost in time,

I travel through the days and nights

And parallels unspoken

To see the smile upon your face

And feel the warmth of your embrace

To ease your pain, and in its place

I hide the tears that still remain

Upon my rosy cheeks.

CRL 16, Oct. 2014

Though mystery surrounds you

oh, cherished of my heart

though distance now embrace you

my soul will not depart 

For though my breath be ragged

and though my strength grows faint

 my arms out stretched

a dance will play

upon your saddened  heart. 

And though the mourning takes you

and tears doth blind your eyes

you shall not fear 

your child still sings

She'll heal your bleeding heart

CRL 18 Oct 2014

Down

I  have had arough couple of weeks. Was surprised to see a friend tonight that no one had told me was coming for a few days. Was lovely to help her out with her work. She is old, so who knows if this is the last time I will see her. But it sure did spark my mood.

And I had Doritos and cottage cheese. ... always a good mood lifter.

Cucumbers, peppers and 3 bean soup

Today has been a busy day, despite the fact that I have had a migraine all blooming day. I woke up, made a simple breakfast of lightly fried mushrooms, sweet peppers, onions and eggs over steamed rice. It looked a little odd, but man was it good.

I ran to town to buy freezer bags as I discovered I had lots of food on the fridge that would go bad before I could use it. I then spent the afternoon chopping up 3 varieties ( 5 colors) of peppers, and made bags to freeze. Some have onions added in them. Figured I can just grab a bag and add it into a stir fry or soup!

Apparently we have 5 more cucumbers ready in our garden. Not sure if we will eat them as salad, sliced, or if I will make lemon cucumbers (which by the way is FABULOUS).

Have potatoes and carrots ready in the garden. The salad is about done for the year. The beats have a bit longer.

Did three loads of laundry too. Have to do the dishes.

SOUPS CALLING!!!

Have a good Sunday.

Reaching for the seemingly unreachable

      Today is one of those days. It's raining out side, and my heart is so heavy that the thought of dancing in the rain is not even close to a consideration. So what did I do? I danced in the rain. Most people left church under umbrellas, or ran as fast as they could to their cars. The rain was cold, the wind was blowing, and they seemed very unhappy. I took it slow, and twirled. I even managed to get a 6 year old boy, with two paper airplanes, one in each hand, to twirl with me. He giggled as only a small child having fun can do. It made me smile.
      When it comes to serving YAH, one must act not on feelings, but what we have been told to do. One should never go by feelings. They can be wrong, or misleading. However when we serve YAH, He will provide the feelings that are needed.
      I find it hard sometimes to fight through the gloom that over shadow me. I think everyone has those moments. Sometimes its brought on by outside circumstances, wither it be people trying to tear me down, or exert their spiritual beliefs or practices on me (good or bad). Other times its just the fact that I care very much for the individual and feel their pains, or sufferings. Other times it is caused by eternal self issues, or past regressions. Today, I don't know why I am feeling such. I had a wonderful day/evening yesterday.

     Perhaps I am just tired. I did get to bed rather late, and woke with only a half hour to be read for church. I rushed out so fast I even forgot my bra! That was embarrassing, and reminded me of a story my grandfather had told of a older church lady who had come to his church wearing nothing but a slip one sabbath. Thankfully I just tied my sweater together, and no one could tell. B

     But even still, the over powering urge to weep pressed over me. I have taken it easy today. Cuddled with my cats, laid down for a small rest, and have decided to jot down this blog. My only solace today is that I have made it through one week of my new promise. I have consecrated myself to my God, and He has heard me and will grant my petition. How do I know this? Because he healed another area of my life I hadn't even asked him to heal when taking this promise. It gives me hope and strength to go one even though I know I have foes who would gladly see me fail to carry out their own desires.YAH is bigger and He is all powerful.

 I am tired, so I will go for now. I will reach for the seemingly unreachable today, for I know that sometimes even the pursuit of it will bring upon a blessing I had never imagined could be.