The day part 2

 Tuesday night, the 19th of Februruary, I went home from work tired. My co-workers had been very understanding that day, which was good, as I could barely think. I made it home, made supper, ate 1/3rd of mine, then headed out the door. We had a 6 pm appointment to decorate the hall we had rented for Vivian's memorial dinner.

After arriving, we all pushed tables around for a while, waiting for a final desiciion to be made. After nearly an hour, I got fed up with the argueing and rearrangeing and started orginizing the others to help me set the tables. By the time the other two teachers had decided where the wanted the table for the family, we were nearly done.

I was amazed at how fast and efficiently it went, seeing as at two separate occasions people grinned at me, patted me on the shoulder and commented on the fact that I couldn't think at all. I couldn't. I could not remember the names of half the people there. The only thing driving me was the thought that the hall needed to be perfect. By the end of the evening everyone was asking me where I wanted things, if I was pleased with how it looked, and so forth. I wasn't even the one in charge for the event! I went over everything so many times, I probably looked like I was walking in circles.  I moved flowers here and there, until finally I realized that things could not be better and I should go home to bed.  Before I left, I stood in the doorway and looked over the room. One of the ladies, the head deaconess of our church, came over and stood next to me and said, almost reverently, Vivian would be proud of your work Christina. She would have loved it. All I could say was , I hope so.

Good night dearest friend. As you said, "I'll see you soon". We look forward to that day. Christina and Kyrre

 I could not get to sleep that night. I think it was nearly 1am before I finally closed

my eyes and slept. I woke early,  showered and tried to find food. It didn't work. On the way to the funeral, Kyrre stopped and bought something simple, which I managed to eat half of. The funneral was not until 12:30, but the youth choir was practicing a song at 11. I had refused to sing a solo number for either the funneral or the memorial dinner, and I did not know the songs my choir was singing that day, so I decided I should try to sing in the youth choir. Both Vivians mom and her youngest son were disapointed I was not singing, so I felt I needed to try.

I walked into the memorial hall to check all was in order, then headed over to the church to help set out reserved signs for the family and main choir. When I walked in I saw Vivian's coffin. I felt like a brick wall and swung down from the ceiling and collided with me. I turned and nearly ran out of the church. Thankfully I have an internship at the store across the road, so I walked over there and walked around for a few mins. They asked why I was there on my day off, and when I had the funeral, and I told them I had just waked into the church and needed to escape for a few mins. They smiled, and then let me be until I was ready to go. I walked back to the church, and this time made it up to the flowers. I was fighting back rolls of emotions, but with the deaconesses help, I found mine and read the note. It was lovely. But I then turned and found a quiet place in the back of the church, on the steps and cried until i was able to control myself again. I cried so many times that day, but thankfully managed to do so in areas where not  a lot of people were around.

The service was lovely. I greeted Vivian's mom before, then sat down behind the choir as close as I could to both Vivian's coffin and the family. There were so many songs. We talked about Vivian's life, I learned a few things I didn't know, and then the sermon itself were bible texts taken from her own bible. The pastor had borrowed it and found passages she had underlined.

At the close of the program, I managed to get up and sing with the choir. Many who had heard the choir practice, which I was not able to be a part of, came up to me afterwards and told me it was wonderful that I could join them. They said that I carried the choir, and it was so much better with me being there. Vivian's mom had also seen me go up and join the choir. Although she didn't comment on it, she had been smiling at me as we sang.

After the choir sang, they carried Vivian out. I managed to move to where I was in the front row near her as they took her out, and I followed the family out. We stood around the car, and then the drove her away. She had to be cremated, due to the fact that her dad was only buried a year ago. So we will be putting her in the ground come spring.

Two friends of mine came, both had known Vivian, one as a student, one just in passing. The one in passing told me that she had come just for me, as she knew what it was like to lose a best friend, and she knew I would be trying to keep a good face as I was working at the school. She knew I would be trying to comfort the others and would need someone to comfort me. She met me at the door of the church after the service was over.

We had over 300 people come to the funeral, and over 200 that came to the dinner. Both numbers were higher than we had anticipated. Thankfully we had made enough food, but sitting room was a bit scarce. Lots of people sang, told memories of Vivian, and shared pictures.

During the slide show, presentation, I was holding a baby. He had lunged at me as his parents passed by, so I picked him up and played with him. I started to cry about half way through, and looked down at the baby to see he was ok. He stared up at me with little concerned eyes, and then slowly reached up with his little 6 month (?) old hand and placed it on my cheek. He held it there staring into my eyes until I started to smile. Then he grinned and went back to playing in my arms. 

After the dinner, I helped pass the flowers out to the helpers, then take the larger ones to place on Vivian's dads grave. It looked so lovely. It was cold for 4 days, so the flowers would have held there from and color for a while.

I had to let some older ladies in to the school, and we ended up sitting there talking until 10, or 10:30. At one point one of Vivian's scarves ended up on my lap. I was so over whelmed by her smell that everyone in the room vanished .I couldn't hear or see anyone. I picked the scarf up and held it to my face and breathed deeply. It was wonderful to smell her again. I had always loved the way she smelled, and even funnier still, she loved the way I smelled to. She said I smelled like the best friend she had had as a child.  The memory broke, however, when I heard a whisper from the far side of the room.  Vivians second eldest whispered to his sister, "What is she doing?" To which I heard Julia reply, "It smelles like mom!"

I was embarrassed. I would never had done that in a room full of people, but as I said, they had all faded a way and I had forgotten they were even there. I asked Julia about it a few days later, and she said that he had just thought it was funny, not weird. He had seen his sister smelling his moms things, but he was surprised to see someone else doing it, even a close friend like me. 

After church we ate lunch with the family, and youth from the church. then we went out playing in the snow. It was clear that Vivians youngest two kids have bonded with me. We played now and then when they were here before, but this day we were playing constantly, grabbing up the other kids in our play. They were over joyed to see me each time I came, and Julia even said that she sees so much of her mom in me, that it felt like she wasn't gone some times. For me, having them here has made it easier to face that she was no longer here.

Today they left. It was hard to see them taking things out of her room, and to see them pack themselves into the car and pull away. Two of them will be gone for a year.

The one positive thing about the day, was that Vivians choir dress fit me. I had not received mine yet, so I sent an email to the choir informing them that I had now received mine. It is wonderful to have a few things of hers to remember her by. I miss her so much, and I know I will always miss her, but I am so thankful that some day I will be able to hold her in my arms again.