It's been a while since I have blogged. I have thought about it many times, but sometimes knowing others read what I write can be a bit daunting. but today, I am just writing for me, and allowing you to read.
I would say not much has happened, and that is partially true. The students came back, the end of march, and headed out for another two week trip. We picked them up and dropped them off, making the airport parking attendant mad as we took nearly 20 mins to load the 22 people and luggage in to the two vans. It wasn't entirely our fault. They only have a paid parking place near the airport, and we hadn't been given money for the parking. The only other option was making the 22 students and staff walk 20 mins to the free parking area, at midnight, and then try to load them all up. As it was we got back home at 2am.
During the Easter work break, Kyrre and I traveled down to spend the weekend with our niece and nephew. It was a nice visit, but the two are wild animals half of the time, and I got bit, in the thigh, once... which nearly resulted in the child getting slapped. Thankfully I was able to stay my downward swinging hand.
Work has been doing well. Three weeks ago I started teaching a knitting class Thursday nights to an ever changing group of female immigrants. This group will be here another two weeks, as they are here for about 2 months before heading to their final destination, and are between the ages of 15 and 22, if I should guess. They are not used to talking about ages.
Probably the worst thing that has happened, is that Vivian's mother is still being pestered with phone calls. She was used to getting only calls from Vivian and a few others, but now she gets them constantly. I know this is an exaggeration, as the times I have been over to visit, the phone has rung... once?
But the weekend I was heading out for Easter I called her to see if her plans had changed, and to say hi. I didn't reach her so I had called her boyfriend just to see if she had gone away fro the weekend and to pass on the message that I had not found out if someone she was not interested in seeing was coming to church or not.
The following Wednesday I went to deliver food to her from the school, and decided to call first. I didn't reach her, so I called 2 more times that evening and gave up telling Kyrre he could have the soup for lunch the next day. On my way to work I called. When she didn't answer for the 4th time, I swung by her place to see if I could see she was up and around. When I couldn't see any sign of moment, I called the head deaconess at our church to see if she had talked with her. she said she would try to call her and would let me know if things were amiss. A few moments later I got a call from Vivian's mom.
she was furious with me. She opened the conversation with... I think we should stop calling each other. I am fine, and you should not be so worried.
I explained the calls, and the situation, and managed to get her calmed down. She then told me about being tired from all the calls and saying she needed a break, so I agreed not to call for a while. That was two weeks ago, and I still haven't found the heart in me to try to call her. I have an email for her from her grand daughter, as she doesn't use the computer, so I will have to call next week and give it to her, but I have to admit I am nervous. I know she took out her frustration on me, and that I didn't do anything wrong, but it still makes me feel bad. Many of us are concerned for her, as she is alone now and has some pretty major health issues. Her grand kids and her daughter, before she died, have/had asked me to keep an eye on her. She had been asking me to visit and ding the calling, but I still felt I needed to give her the space she asked for. Hopefully next week will go ok. I'll will just deliver the email, and leave... break the ice again as it were.
I was thinking about it today when I printed off the email, and it upset me. Which didn't help the evening. The students were presenting about their trip to Honduras, and I was distracted. I kept feeling like Vivian was there, or maybe it was me missing her being there. But I went up stairs and found a place to be alone and cried.
Then at the close of the evening the girls sang a closing song, and one of the boys played he guitar. I was find until I looked at him... and I had to get up and leave. I had tried to ignore the fact that Vivian's voice was gone from the group, but somehow having her not be behind the guitar, and having it be a student, a male student, made the fact even worse. Even the translator had been different. It was all too much. I headed into the kitchen to hide and try to control my emotions.... but one of the boys, was there. He came over and put his arm around me shoulders. I knew that fighting it back would make it harder to stop, so I just turned and cried into his shoulder ( he is over 6 ft) and calmed down and quickly as I could. I then cleaned up headed back out in the candle lit dining area where it would be harder to see I had been crying.
I miss her so much. I know there will be moments like that still, and that it will get easier to bear, but I have to admit I was embarrassed to start crying in front of the students. Thankfully only one saw.
Last night I worked til 9, which meant I had today off. I needed to clean the church and go to my physical therapist, and I planned to get up early and go... but I was hurting, and when the children up stairs got up and started playing their radio at 5 am ( ok ok it was 7, but when you have a day off and want to cuddle in with your hubby if FEELS like 5) I just rolled over and cuddled in and decided that if I get pregnant, we HAVE To move before our little ones learn from their example.
I need to stop now, my cat is standing on my arm, making typing very very hard.
I want a hot coco. Is that wrong?
